“We cannot steal the fire of love from Heaven. We must buy it with soul-stretching payments” – Goddard

I came across the quote above while reading “Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage” by Wallace Goddard and it really stuck out to me. It made me stop and think….

·      What is the fire of love?

·      How do we buy it?

·      What qualifies as a soul-stretching payment?

I think the “fire of love from Heaven” represents our eternal salvation. It is pure like anything that has passed through the extreme scorch of fire. No impurities can withstand the test of fire just like no impure thing can live in the presenc

e of God. We must be born of fire and cleansed of our faults and impurities before ascending into Heaven.

Love represents the unconditional love of Christ and our Father in Heaven. They love each of us so perfectly and want us to succeed. So we must be pure in heart and have the pure love of Christ within us to obtain glory in Heaven. Having a pure heart means putting all your selfish desires and wants aside and submitting wholly to the will of the Lord.

The part of the quote that reads “soul-stretching payments” can mean a variety of different things. Personally I translate to mean the trials we pass through in this earthly existence. Our life here on earth is not meant to be easy, it is a test and tests are designed to be difficult. Heavenly Father wants to see if we will follow Christ or fall on our knees and submit to the temptations of the devil. Our payments are each and every act that proves our obedience to God. When we choose to follow Him we are investing in our eternal salvation.

What sorts of  “soul-stretching payments” do we have to pay regarding marriage?

When we're dating things are lighthearted and easy. Things flow and there is a low amount of tension with a high amount of enjoyment. However, once the dating stage is over and the eternal knot is tied, things get a lot more real. Real fast. We realize there is much more required of us in marriage than there was in the dating. Many people think marriage is just an extension of dating and will continue to be fun and easy. These false ideas can ruin any marriage relationship if not dealt with. The leading cause of divorce is false expectations. It’s hard to go from a life of living on your own to living with a partner. Things change, you have different ways of doing things and compromise isn’t an easy tool to learn. Goddard said, “God knows that what we obtain too easily we esteem too lightly. In His own words, “All those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified” (D&C 101:5). To become heavenly, we must endure earthy challenges – including the unexpected ones in marriage.”

“The willingness to put our preferences on the altar in obedience to God and service of our partner is a sacrifice filled with grace and truth – goodness and eternal vision. Our sacrifices are the key to our growth and eternal possibilities.” – Goddard

Putting our wants on the altar before God and our spouse isn't as easy as it sounds. It requires self-discipline and want to be better. One must have a deep-rooted desire to make things work, especially in times of trial. It’s hard not to fight back when you feel attacked or defensive. It takes time and a lot of work to develop Christlike attributes. We need to focus on doing all we can to stay close to our Savior and learn from His example.

How parenting affects your child's emotional intelligence

I recently started reading a book that I am quickly growing to love. It’s titled “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child-The Heart of Parenting” by John Gottman, Ph. D. It talks about the different ways parents deal with their child’s emotions. Depending on how you interact with you child when they are in a heightened emotion state can greatly influence their future. They came up with four main categories of parenting. Below I will address these different categories.

The Dismissing Parent

It’s very easy to be a dismissive parent without even knowing it. These parents don’t ignore their children or physically dismiss them. Rather they dismiss their child’s feelings by distracting them or trying to change their mood. These parents tend to pamper their children when they’re upset or try to make them happy again by giving them candy or letting them watch T.V. Sometimes it’s hard for the parent to face their children’s emotions so they tend to detour them and avoid the hard situation all together. This can stem from their own parents being dismissive and never learning to deal with their emotions themselves so now they can’t help their children. The parents are doing what they think is right because that is what was done for them when they were little and upset. Children then learn to suppress their emotions instead of learning to address them and deal with them. Parents rationalize and tell themselves it’s ok to ignore rather than address their children’s emotions because they are “just children.” And being upset over a broken toy is pointless and petty. The parents tell them it’s “no big deal” or “you shouldn’t be upset over something so little.” But this only confuses the children because to them it is a big deal and they are upset about it. They learn they can’t trust their emotions (Gottman).

The Disapproving Parent

Disapproving parents are much like dismissive parents but they go a step further. Instead of detouring their child to something positive they reprimand their child for have a “bad attitude” or being a “cry baby.” Parents here often focus on the action around the emotion such a stomping their feet when they’re sad or crying when they’re afraid. They often punish these behaviors and reprimand the child for “acting out.” Some of these parents see emotions such as sadness a waste of energy so they tell their child to just “smile and be happy.” Well if a child is upset about something it isn’t that easy and can be confusing that they are expected to flip their emotions on and off like a light switch. “Our research tells us that children from both groups have a hard time trusting their own judgment. Told time and time again that their feelings are inappropriate or not valid, they grow up believing there is something inherently wrong inside of themselves because of the way they feel” (Gottman).

The Laissez-Faire Parent

So I’m not completely sure why Gottman uses this name to describe this particular style of parenting… But it’s basically when a parent lets their child express any emotion anyway they want to. The parents don’t set boundaries for when the child gets angry and throws things or super happy and becomes a wrecking ball. The parents see emotions and actions as one and try not to interfere too much with each. They allow the child to express the emotion and they validate their feelings but it pretty much stops there. These parents don’t have any idea how to help their child learn and grow from an emotional experience.

The Emotion Coaching parent

So the emotion-coaching parent is what everyone should strive to be. They’ve done studies on hundreds of families that conclude that children who are emotionally coached by their parents are more successful throughout their lives. They tend to have better grades, get into less trouble, have better relationships, and a greater self-esteem. These parents set boundries on the way their children express different emotions but still allow them to deal with them. They teach them different ways to express emotions such as fear, anger, frustration, sadness, etc without acting out in negative ways. They show empathy for their children and validate their emotions often sharing stories about their childhood and a time they might have felt that same way. They help the child describe the feeling and name the emotion so they can deal with it better. Sometimes children don’t know what they’re feeling and that can make them frustrated. Putting discipline along with respect works well with emotion coaching (Gottman).

Anyway this is what I learned from the book so far! It’s an awesome book and I’m only on chapter two! I have so much more to learn and can’t wait! Also, I think it is SO IMPORTANT for parents to validate the feelings of their young ones no matter how “petty” they may seem. They are real to the child so they should be real to you. Parents need to look at heightened emotion in their young ones as a learning opportunity rather than an obstacle. I believe the more parents and children talk about how they feel and what’s going on in their lives the closer they become. Family is central to the plan of happiness so we need to do ALL we can to make sure our families are strong. Trust between parent and child is a key concept to a happy home.

How important is YOUR marriage?

Elder David A. Bednar said, “No instrumentality or organization can take the place of the home or perform its essential functions…All human beings, male and female, are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and . . . has a divine nature and destiny…The great plan of happiness enables the spirit sons and daughters of Heavenly Father to obtain physical bodies, to gain earthy experience, and to progress toward perfection…. God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife… The means by which mortal life is created are divinely appointed.” These powers of procreation should not be used outside the bonds of marriage. It is a sin in the eyes of God to be physically intimate without a legally binding certificate of marriage.

So why is it becoming increasingly more common for couples to cohabitate before marriage? Well, if marriage and the family is God’s main focus, then Satan will do all he can to destroy the sanctity of it. “Understanding the intent of an enemy is a key prerequisite to effective preparation” (Bednar). Lucifer wants us to become miserable for eternity like him. So by knowing his motives and tactics we can become stronger and defeat him. Having relations outside of marriage causes misery and stress, which is not what our Father in Heaven wants for us. It also causes many other problems, which can easily be avoided by staying chaste until the wedding day.

Many people believe that once you’re married the trials stop there, and your “happily ever after” begins. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Since marriage and the family is God’s greatest focus, then Lucifer will never stop trying to tear it down. There are still temptations when you get married. They will be different temptations from the ones you had when you were single, but they are still just as dangerous. In marriage you must unite together and tackle challenges hand in hand.

In a talk by Elder Bruce C. Haven he talks about the difference between a marriage bound by contract and one bound by covenant. Elder Haven said, “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50%; covenant companions each give 100%.”

When you’re married your old life is gone. There’s no more selfish living. Sacrifice is real, and reality can feel like a slap in the face sometimes. It’s not easy to go from carefree college life, only worrying about your own needs and desires, to marriage, where selfish desires must be shunned and turned away from.

“Each marriage will be tested repeatedly by three kinds of wolves. The first wolf is natural adversity. The second is the wolf of his or her own imperfections. And the third wolf being the excessive individualist that has spawned today’s contractual attitudes” (Haven).

If you want your marriage to last… You have to work for it, and you have to work hard.

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DOES SAME SEX MARRIAGE AFFECT YOU?

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” – Dolly Parton

Today I want you to think.  There will be questions throughout this post that will provoke thought and pondering. Please take time to think.  Use your brain. This is a big issue in our world today.  

We live in an age where values and morals are constantly evolving. In this day it’s hard to be a religious person with strong roots and beliefs in marriage and the sanctity of family. So many people are working to change these beliefs and warp them into something not ordained of God. “…As late as 1985, NO nation permitted same-sex couples to marry... In fact, in the entire history of the world, no country had ever before allowed same-sex marriage” (Weinberg).  Same sex marriage is a recent concept that started being accepted only thirty years ago. Why now? What changed in the last 30 years that made it acceptable?

People actively supportive of same-sex marriage often ask, “What does it matter to you? It’s my life.” Lynn D. Wardle from Reuben Clark Law School stated, “Helping people to see that legalizing same-sex marriage…is an attack on marriage is not easy. The harm it causes is not like a broken bone sticking through the skin or blood pouring from a severed artery. It is more gradual and subtle. It is like the dangers of smoking—the damage is not obvious at first, and by the time people realize that smoking is harmful to them, irreversible damage has often already been done.” It took almost a thousand years for humans to discover smoking causes cancer. There are cave drawings of Indians smoking cigarettes in the Mayan Indians of Mexico that date back to 600 AD. It wasn’t until 1953 people discovered the hazards of tobacco and linked it to cancer. Needless to say it can take a century to find out the negative impacts of something on a society and by then it’s too late.

MEN, WOMEN, & CHILDREN

“Redefining parenthood as a side effect to redefining marriage without even considering the consequences” – Jennifer Roback Morse

Matthew Chapter 19:4-5 says, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” God made Adam and Eve the first married couple on earth and commanded they “multiply and replenish the earth.” Can two men or two women create life? So if the purpose of marriage is for man and woman to create life and off spring, what is the purpose of same-sex marriage? “Marriage is far more than a contract between individuals to ratify their affections and provide for mutual obligations. Rather, marriage is a vital institution for rearing children and teaching them to become responsible adults” (newsroom). Genesis 1:28 reads, “this power of procreation—to create life and bring God’s spirit children into the world—is divinely given. Misuse of this power undermines the institution of the family.” If marriage were meant to be between man and man or woman and woman, why didn’t God make it that way? “Men and women are different in a universe of complementary ways and aspects. The gender integrative union of a man and a woman is different than the gender apartheid union of two men or two women. The union of a man and a woman in marriage creates a unique and uniquely valuable union much greater than the sum of the parts” (Popenoe).

            Many people only think about the differences between same-sex marriage and heterosexual marriage. But what about the difference between children raised in same-sex marriage households and heterosexually married households? Is there a difference between how they are raised?  David Blankenhorn from an article in the New York Times states, “Every child deserves to be raised by his or her mother and father. While unwed birth and divorce impair that right for some children of conjugal unions, same-sex marriage guarantees that all children who are born during or raised in such unions will be deprived totally of this fundamental moral right.” There have also been studies regarding this issue. “Extensive studies have shown, that a husband and wife who are united in a loving, committed marriage generally provide the ideal environment for protecting, nurturing, and raising children. This is in part because of the differing qualities and strengths that husbands and wives bring to the task by virtue of their gender. As an eminent academic on family life has written: The burden of social science evidence supports the idea that gender differentiated parenting is important for human development and that the contribution of fathers to child rearing is unique and irreplaceable . . . . The complementarity of male and female parenting styles is striking and of enormous importance to a child’s overall development” (Blankenhorn). Do children have the right to be born into a family with a mother and a father? Or is that right taken from them simply because there has been laws passed that says same-sex marriage is ok?

HEALTH & EXPECTATION

“It’s bad enough that people are dying of AIDS, but no one should die of ignorance.” – Elizabeth Taylor

Is ignorance truly bliss?

“The morality and behavioral expectations of gays and lesbians differ markedly from married men and women. For example, promiscuity, infidelity, multiple sexual partners, and dangerous sexual practices are the behavioral norms among gay couples (and also, to a lesser extent, lesbian couples), rather than monogamy and sexual self-control which are the norms fostered by and nurtured in heterosexual marriages.” Kirk and Madsen reported that “the cheating ratio of ‘married’ gay males, given enough time, approaches 100%. . . . Many gay lovers, bowing to the inevitable, agree to an ‘open relationship,’ for which there are as many sets of ground rules as there are couples.” Having such a high infidelity rate makes one think. Why do gay people fight so hard for the right to marry then turn around and cheat on their spouse?

Regarding health, “Gay sexual intercourse is the primary means of transmission of AIDS in the United States and a dominant transmission method worldwide. AIDS is estimated to have killed over twenty-five million people worldwide and is thus one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history” (World Health Organization).

SOCIETY AND RELIGION

           

“The First Amendment may protect clergy from being forced to perform same-sex marriages, but other people of faith have faced and likely will continue to face legal pressures and sanctions. The same will happen with religiously affiliated institutions and educational systems. For example, a Georgia counselor contracted by the Centers for Disease Control was fired after an investigation into her decision to refer someone in a same-sex relationship to another counselor. In New Jersey, a ministry lost its tax-exempt status for denying a lesbian couple the use of its pavilion for their wedding. New Mexico’s Human Rights Commission prosecuted a commercial photographer for refusing to photograph a same-sex commitment ceremony. When public schools in Massachusetts began teaching students about same-sex civil marriage, a Court of Appeals ruled that parents had no right to exempt their students.” Many Catholic Adoption Charities have been forced to close rather than be forced to place children in a same-sex marriage home. “In the name of tolerance, we’re not being tolerated,” Bishop Thomas J. told the New York Times when the church stopped adoption services rather than comply.

This doesn’t only effects adults, but children also. “…From elementary school through high school, children are taught that marriage can be defined as a legal union between two adults of any gender, that the definition of family is fluid, and in some cases that consensual sexual relations are morally neutral. In addition, in many areas, schools are not required to notify parents of this curriculum or to give families the opportunity to opt out. These developments are already causing clashes between the agenda of secular school systems and the right of parents to teach their children deeply held standards of morality” (Shih).

“Similar limitations on religious freedom have become the social and legal reality in several European nations, and the European Parliament has recommended that laws protecting the status of same-sex couples be made uniform across the European Union. Where same-sex marriage becomes a recognized civil right, it inevitably conflicts with the rights of believers, and religious freedom is diminished” (Trigg).

CONCLUSION

“Love the Person, Not the Action.” – Anonymous

“The Church has advocated for legal protection for same-sex couples regarding “hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.” In Salt Lake City, for example, the Church supported ordinances to protect gay residents from discrimination in housing and employment. The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman “neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.” Church members are to treat all people with love and humanity. They may express genuine love and kindness toward a gay or lesbian family member, friend, or other person without condoning any redefinition of marriage” (Church Newsroom).

Works Cited:

Martin S. Bell & Alan P. Weinberg, Homosexualitys: A Study of Diversity among men and women 308-09 (Newsroom).978).

Joint United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS), World Health Org. (WHO), Aids Epidemic update (2003-2005).

Lynn D. Wardle, “Multiply and Replenish”: Considering Same-Sex Marriage in Light of State Interests in Marital Procreation, 24 HARV. J. L. & PUB. POL’Y 771, 796 (2001).

Gay Issue Spurs Catholic Group to End Adoptions, ABC NEWS, Mar. 12, 2006, http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Story?id=1715489&page=1.

Matthew 19:4–5.

Genesis 1:28.

 David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem (New York: Basic Books, 1995)

David Popenoe, Life Without Father (New York: The Free Press, 1996), 146.

Mormonnewsroom.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/news-releases-stories/statement-given-to-salt-lake-city-council-on-nondiscrimination-ordinances.

Sherif Girgis, Ryan T. Anderson, and Robert P. George, What Is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense (New York and London: Encounter Books, 2012), 62–64.

Roger Trigg, Equality, Freedom, and Religion (London and New York: Oxford University Press, 2012); The Observatory on Intolerance and Discrimination against Christians in Europe, Report 2012 (Vienna, Austria, 2013); “European Parliament Resolution on Homophobia in Europe,” adopted Jan. 18, 2006.

Gerry Shih, “Clashes Pit Parents vs. Gay-Friendly Curriculums in Schools,” The New York Times, Mar. 3, 2011, page A21A; John Smoot, “Children Need Our Marriage Tradition,” Public Discourse, June 13, 2013; thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/06/10344/;Challenging Homophobia and Heterosexism: A K-12 Curriculum Resource Guide, Toronto District School Board (2011).

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1211382

http://www.sciencefriday.com/blogs/09/07/2012/who-knew-what-and-when.html?interest=8&audience=4

http://academic.udayton.edu/health/syllabi/tobacco/history.htm

https://www.osv.com/OSVNewsweekly/ByIssue/Article/TabId/735/ArtMID/13636/ArticleID/14666/Tough-times-for-Catholic-adoption-agencies.aspx