Everyone enters marriage with their own "baggage"

“It does not take us long to realize that we do not enter marriage empty handed; we carry a lot of “baggage” with us. For instance, we bring our levels of self-esteem, our willingness to adapt to change, our attitudes toward life, and our expectations and values.” - Bernard Poduska

     Couples come together with two different sets of rules that they most likely learned from watching their parents as they grow up. The woman learns from her mother how she should act and what to do when she becomes a wife and a mother and the man learns the same sort of things from his father. The problem with this is although the woman learns from her mother, she also sees how her mother is treated by her father and expects the same or better from her own husband. This is the same for men and how they have seen their mothers throughout the years, they expect the same or better from their wife. Since they didn’t grow up in the same household with the same mother and father they will have completely different expectations of what marriage will be like and how their spouse should act. This can be a huge cause of conflict in the marriage or an opportunity to grow and unite as one. Once a couple is married, they are no longer subject to their parents and need to create their own marriage identity. President Spencer W. Kimball, referring to Genesis 2:24 said, “She, the woman, occupies the first place. She is preeminent, even above the parents who are so dear to all of us. Even the children must take there proper but significant place. I have seen some women who give their children that spot, that preeminence, in the affection and crowd out the father. That is a serious mistake.”

     Each of us has a schedule made up in our minds of where we think we should be in certain stages of life. Another conflict in marriage is caused by these unspoken schedules or subconscious timetables. The man may want to have children young like his parents did so he can be a young father and be active with his children while they grow up. The woman may want to wait longer to have children because she wants to travel and have fun before children tie her down. These schedules clash and can be a significant obstacle in the marriage. They need to communicate and explain their reasoning behind their wants and eventually come to a conclusion. Being greedy or selfish in marriage does not work, there has to be sacrifice and compromise. Once children become part of the picture, the cycle begins again. Each partner thinks back to their own childhood and how they each were raised and more often than not thinks that their way was the right way. Again, more compromise and communication is necessary. Keeping open communication behind WHY you think differently on certain things will help you understand each other and come to a conclusion.

“Many erroneously assume that the state of being happy is static rather than dynamic, or changing. However, life is change, and happiness is not fully appreciated in the absence of sorrow and hardship. Two people who go through life’s ups and downs together grow in ways neither may foresee.” – Bernard Poduska

Poduska, Bernard. Till Debt Do Us Part: Balancing Finances, Feelings, and Family. Salt Lake City, UT: Shadow Mountain, 2000. Print.

Kimball, Spencer W. The Blessings and Responsibilities of Womanhood - Ensign Mar. 1976 - Ensign. Lds.org, Mar. 1976. Web. 18 July 2015.

A husband and wife are to unite with one heart and one mind… How is this possible?

In his talk That We May Be One President Henry B. Eyring quoted the prayer Jesus said right before he had to leave his Apostles, “ ‘As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me’ (John 17:18-21). In those few words, He made clear how the gospel of Jesus Christ could allow hearts to be made one. Those who would believe the truth He taught could accept the ordinances and the covenants offered by His authorized servants. Then, through obedience to those ordinances and covenants, their natures would change. The Savior’s Atonement in that way makes it possible for us to be sanctified. We can then live in unity, as we must to have peace in this life and to dwell with the Father and His Son in eternity.” Sometimes in marriage, we get into fights that seem impossible to resolve, people naturally clash sometimes and that is okay. As long as we also realize that turning toward our Savior Jesus Christ and striving to emulate His life will allow us to have a change of heart and be humbled. When our eyes are single to the glory of God we will do all we can to be obedient to Him and live our lives in such a way that we can have eternal life in the Celestial Kingdom. Our desires and wants will change and in so doing we will be united together and have the same focus and goals in mind.

We are not alone…

Not only do we have our Father in Heaven and Savior Jesus Christ helping us but we also have the constant companion of the Holy Ghost. When we live righteously we are blessed with inspiration, comfort, healing, and so much more, by having the Holy Ghost by our side. When we are living a life susceptible to the constant influence of the Holy Ghost, He will help us in our daily interactions with our spouse and others. President Eyring said, “Where people have the Sprit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates contention; it only generates feelings of contention between people, which leads to strife. It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls.” Having one foot rooted in worldly things and one in Godly things does not work. The worldly things cause contention, greed, jealousy, anger, etc. and put a wedge between your relationship with your spouse. Both feet must be planted firmly in the foundation of the Lord for unity to occur.  We must choose to do everything in our power to perfectly obey the Lord and His commandments. President J. Reuben Clark Jr. once said, “The Lord has given us nothing that is useless or unnecessary. He has filled the Scriptures with the things which we should do in order that we may gain salvation.” Being selective of which commandments or council from the Prophets to obey is not acceptable, and will not bring you closer to your spouse or Savior. Strict obedience to all things is a crucial part of the plan. We must surrender our own desires and put our life in the hands of the Lord.

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” 

― Albert Einstein

Men and women are different and designed that way for divine purposes. Regarding differences between people President Stephen L Richards spoke, “…In the spirit under which we labor, men [and women] can get together with seemingly divergent views and far different backgrounds, and under the operation of that spirit, by counseling together, they can arrive at an accord, and that accord… represents the wisdom of council, acting under the spirit.” No matter what your differences are in marriage if discussed in a spiritually minded way unity can occur. Elder Rulon G. Craven described the way the first presidency and quorum of the twelve apostles communicate during meetings. I believe we can all learn much from their example. He says, “I have noticed that each of the Brethren is not so much concerned with expressing his own point of view as he is with listening to the point of view of others and striving to created a proper climate in the Council meetings. They are sensitive to one another’s thoughts and rarely interrupt one another during their conversations. During discussion they do not push their own ideas but try to determine from the discussion what would be best for the kingdom.” If we apply this sort of communication to our own lives, and how we council with our spouse, we will find it much easier to unite in difficult circumstances.

There is much too much Infidelity because of pornography

 in – fi – del – i – ty : The action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.

Example: She was convinced that her husband was guilty of infidelity.

·       “It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. And these numbers are probably on the conservative side, when you consider that close to half of all marriages end in divorce” (Shackelford). That means up to six out of every ten people who are married will most likely be unfaithful at some point in their relationship. Today we're going to talk about how Pornography affects marriage.  

PORNOGRAPHY: The leading cause for infidelity in marriage.

The facts…

• Every second 28,258 users are watching pornography and $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography on the internet.
• 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography
• There are 68 million pornography searches a day
• 1/3 of porn viewers are women
• Search engines get 116,000 queries every day related to child pornography
• 34% of internet users have experienced unwanted exposure to pornographic content through ads, pop up ads, misdirected links or emails
• 2.5 billion emails sent or received every day contain porn
• Every 39 minutes a new pornography video is being created in the United States

SAY NO TO PORNOGRAPHY 

In a talk given by President Kimball he said, “The Bible makes plain that evil, when related to sex, means not the use of something inherently corrupt but the misuse of something pure and good. It teaches clearly that sex can be a wonderful servant but a terrible master: that it can be a creative force more powerful than any other in the fostering of love, companionship, and happiness, or can be the most destructive of all life’s forces.” Where pornography is concerned, it becomes a master of evil that can completely rip apart a godly soul.

SAY NO TO PORNOGRAPHY 

Things often start out innocent, but because of Satan, there are constant temptations that lead so many people down a dark and dreadful path. There are many different reasons husbands or wives turn to pornography and the number one is that they are struggling sexually in their marriage. Because they are not getting this satisfaction, they look elsewhere to find it. “The divine impulse within every true man and woman that impels companionship with the opposite sex is intended by our Maker as a holy impulse for a holy purpose, but not to be satisfied as a mere biological urge or as a lust of the flesh in promiscuous associations, but to be reserved as an expression of true love in holy wedlock” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church). Instead of satisfying their sexual desires through pornography they should cleave unto their spouse and work things out.

SAY NO TO PORNOGRAPHY 

Regarding sexual differences in marriage Dr. John Gottman said, "So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are . . . indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk. . . . The problem is that the less clear you are about what you do and don't want, the less likely you are to get it. Sex can be such a fun way to share with each other and deepen your sense of intimacy. But when communication is fraught with tension, then frustration and hurt feelings too often result." (1999, pp. 200-201). Because sex is something that not many people feel comfortable talking about with their partner they tend to turn away from them and try to find satisfaction in other forms or places. This is when problems occur. Turn toward your spouse, bit the bullet and just TALK ABOUT SEX. Is it more important to avoid an awkward conversation than it is to save your marriage?

 SAY NO TO PORNOGRAPHY 

"Truth About Deception." Truth About Deception. N.p., n.d. Web. 01 July 2015. <http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/stats-about-infidelity.html>.

Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Susceptibility to infidelity in the first year of marriage. Journal of Research in Personality, 31, 193-221.